Every Problem and its Origin

All things within our currently conceivable world has its origins in one thing: Religion and spirituality. Agriculture was first utilized to raise plants and animals used in religious ceremonies, such as sheep and goats who were trapped, forced to breed and then was sacrificed to various spiritual entities. Sheep were, originally unable to produce copious amounts of wool used for fabric until we domesticated them. Chickens were also raised as beings to be sacrificed to dieties, ancestors, and other spiritual entities. During that time, chickens did not lay eggs or produce edible meat until we forced them to breed after domesticating them. Biologically speaking, animals like modern dogs are unable to survive without the help of humans; and, like most domesticated animals, are generally less intelligent and less productive than their wild counterparts.

This is all due to agriculture, a graven mistake that we cannot recover from. Due to agriculture developing we have created concepts of ownership and management; this, the ecological disaster and failure that is government. Due to agriculture creating the illusionary concept of bounderies, racism and sexism spread rapidly. The plow and the phallus are both symbols of female oppression, because female oppression started with agriculture.

The same concepts applies to modern humans and even plants. Due to domestication of common plants we have rendered them to produce very little nutritional substances; i.e., wild wheat is claimed to have 12% more protein than commonly available marketstrains. Combine this statistic with food being processed and you now have food that is mostly empty carbohydrates. Most domestic forms of apples only contain sugar. Our diet is so bad that our bodies are becoming nesting grounds for genetic destruction and chronic disease. Through industrialization, we have created cities on once prosperous land (that ends up becoming desert after they become inhabitable), increased our risk for chronic diseases (Diseases will become worse due to super-bugs, also known as bacterial adaption. A good example of bacterial adaption is nylon-eating bacteria), we have dumbed down our gene pool (Causing genetic disorders like autism and heart deformities - both of which I have), and increased ed our risk for mental health issues. Modern humans, compared to traditional hunter gatherers, are more violent and self-centered. The country in which I currently reside in, North America, is infamous for its narcissism and thoughts of entitlement. We also have the largest military in the world and a president with Tall Man's Disorder. We are also, unsurprisingly, one of the most technologically advanced societies. Industrialization has dumbed down humanity, also.

So what can we do to save ourselves? Simple: Prevent agriculture from spreading, kill off domestic animals. Now, the real problem is why we won't do that: We are humans, with feelings and needs. We love our child, even if they have a genetic heart condition or autism. We love our tiny, squat, dog; sure, it's dumb, but that makes it cute, right? Sure it does. I enjoy my pet hissing cockroach named Lisa's Tears, but she's clearly unhappy and afraid of me. She feels most comfortable hiding under cardboard boxes and eating trash than she does with me putting her in a glass cup, while playing disturbing music by Sleep Party People and drawing anthromorphised characteristics of her. (Yeah, I know it's creepy. Just pretend it's normal.) But that in no way implies that it is something we should do. We shouldn't breed animals to get a desired deformity (hence, pit bulls and every dog besides wolves and coyetes), and we shouldn't farm plants the way we do. Nature has already developed the perfect method of farming; it is called going into the forest and picking berries and wheat. As a matter of fact, more nutritious food can be found in a half acre of forest than two acres of farmland. Near my apartment grows dandelion, used for tea; wild raspberries, used for jam, fruit and wine; pawpaw fruits, amongst others. Ncluding meat: fish, squirrels and even birds. Agriculture and breeding is in all ways against nature, and according to deep ecology, unnatural. In a forest, monoculture is no where to be found; therefore, agriculture is dangerous both to humanity, nature, and animals. Agriculture is the reason why we have technology, large houses and industry. Yet, it had its innocent origins in one thing: Religion.

Thank You for the Great School-year and Class!

1) I've written a lot this year, but I still believe that I have a lot of room to improve. I've seen some of the writing that I can do, most of it isn't published on this blog, but it is something that I really enjoy. My brother complained to me saying that the writings I enjoy are too dark, but I enjoy that. I like the aesthetics of darkness and I have read philosophy developed around it and why it is important. I know that my new style of writing is very niche and not everyone will approve of it, or even like it. I know that, and I'm okay with that. I don't need people to tell my what is good and what isn't now, I can think for myself and I will tell you this: I enjoy and understand what I like.

Yes, my writings here may be more or less dark or light-hearted in nature, but I personally believe that to deny the darker sides of oneself is to shy away from the truth. You can't have a whole without two opposites, and that's what I want people to comprehend. I want them to confront themselves and their darker sides. We all have that inside them. If you were to ask what my darker side was, I'd just tell you that I have an inner aggression inside me. I'm intelligent, too; intelligence and anger, when working together create something bad. However, ever since I was twelve I've learned to control myself more and I have become more indifferent towards hate and things that go against me. When people call me names now, I just don't react. It just does not matter to me.

Maybe I'm just indifferent towards this, or maybe confronting my more darker sides has really helped me. Over time, I learned to accept it and see the beauty in depression and anger. I don't project my emotions onto myself anymore, I give them a voice in my words and in my art; and I have found happiness in that. The end result is beautiful, I really love it. Ever since I became estranged and lovelorn from a girl that I knew for four years, I've been different as I am really on my own now. I had to learn to confront life without her, and I'm doing really good because of that. I miss her, sure; but we are two different people on two different paths. She taught me self-discipline, and if you've ever seen me confront a person who is harming me or another you'd say that I was just like her when she was confronting other people who did the same. Well, besides the fire. She tried to light me on fire for not knowing her age once; heh, so much for self-discipline. Yeah, she was calm but very passionate in her emotions. Don't worry, though! I don't have any plans on light people on fire!

2) I won first place in LAD writing competition. I think that's a great reward; however, I see it more as a sign that I should actually put my writing talent to real use. So I've been working on a chapbook that will be a compilation of my writing. Wait, not really, no. It's a story presented in a poem that I've been working on. Anyway, back to the original question. I've written a lot, and albeit the piece I thought would win didn't it taught me the importance of my narrative ability that I've acquired from the four years I wrote about my life with the girl I mentioned above. I threw out all the papers over the summer out of shame, and that's something I regret. I still can't really stand reading them, but now I never can see them again. That makes it sadder. I'm not sure though, I have a vision for what I want my writing to be and I'm working toward that, but the writing I've done here seems to me to be what I've always done. It's just my voice.

3) During the construction of this blog, I was actually in a Web Design class. My final project was a book on European witch beliefs and practices. My goal was really to make something that had a good contrasting color, and though I didn't really do that here, I tried my best to accomplish it on there. I posted pictures of it online, on Facebook.

4) I like to do political journaling on why certain laws are just not good. Most of my journaling is just me writing about my dreams and my day.

5) I'm going to copy and paste something from my personal journal into this area.

6) As I mentioned, I want to work on a small chapbook and to publish it. I also have some music projects that I desire to publish online.

7) I'm honestly blown away from a lot of the stuff in Think. Magazine, we have some creative writers here in this class and I think that this is really cool. I hope that everyone uses their talent for themselves in their future endeavors.

Dank Memes and the Alternative Right (Essay for Lib & Law)

Recently, a famous meme has been spreading across the span of the internet, the meme of Pepe. The character, who was created by Mike Furie for his comic strip, "Boy's Club," about life in your early twenties, has gotten wide popularity from both teenagers and popular celebrities; albeit, after Hillary Clinton said that Trump supporters were, "a group of dispicables." Trump retailiated with a photoshopped poster from the Expendables movie edited with his face, along with his cabinet and Pepe. Since then, the sad frog, who according to its creator Mike, represents fun, peace and friendship has been used by multiple growing white-supremacist groups spawned under the inspiration of Trump. Pepe's famous slogan has been changed from, "Feels good, man." to, "Kill jews, man."

Anti-discrimination group, ADL has even listed certain forms of rare Pepe as a hate symbol and have an ongoing campaign called, "Save Pepe," meaning they are teaming up with the creator of the meme in order to make Pepe be used as an anti-hate meme, instead. Mike even spoke out against its use, at first thinking it was a phase but then changing his opinion: “It’s completely insane that Pepe has been labeled a symbol of hate, and that racists and anti-Semites are using a once peaceful frog-dude from my comic book as an icon of hate,” Furie said. “It’s a nightmare, and the only thing I can do is see this as an opportunity to speak out against hate." So make them dank memes against hatred, yah big ol' boy.

About a Boy: An Exploration on Control

These days I dread, rest my head.

I roost the fire like a hawk in white down,

as I'm coming down, I'm coming down.

The world in fruition, a death of the nation,

the burnt military rations of the dying faction.

Another day spent in my mind, the weeks

they burn, no other can find what has been lost inside my mind.

Yeah, I don't know what that lame poem was for, really. But now on to the actual writing! "It happens, and I wish it didn't, but that's life, isn't it?"

Many things in this world are out of our control. As a matter of thought, I wonder if anything is truly within our grasp. Maybe we can shape something to be different, but at its core, it is the same. It is as it always is. Atomically, it is the same; molecularly, it is the same; there may be a discoloration here and there but at the base of it all, everything is out of our control. You see, things in this world follow a certain state of laws, much like a law of matter. It follows these laws because if they did not then the very structure of this world would just be an unorganized mess. Imagine the grass growing in thick, pulsing rock-like clumps; or the wood in trees forming a large wall, with the roots growing upwards to form branches. If the world were like this then this world would be unstable and therefore unpredictable. 

This also applies to certain people. Some people are submissive, bending at every command; but inside them, they have a voice of their own, they are just afraid to say it. Some people are controlling, or attempt to be so, but these people can only control the weak and thus, cannot control a person who knows his or her place. So, I guess you could assume that with this knowledge, try as we may, we shall never understand or comprehend the world around us as it will always remain quite a mystery;  which, for us, makes the world unpredictable. We desire to be in control, as that is what our minds were designed to do: To change things in such a way that allows us to use it to our advantage. So then, we are never really in control; we are not in control at all.

You just have to learn to accept what you cannot control. You can fight back but this does not mean that you will succeed; however, this may be proven incorrect. But I say to you this: We shall never truly understand what we cannot control, and all we can assume is that there are sets of natural laws that the world has to abide by, or else (even if we do not understand it) it could fall. 

Food for Thought

I'm not a huge fan of food, as my physical senses that revolve around my nerves are actually quite destroyed and as such I don't really care for what I eat; however, there are some foods I enjoy. But I like to prepare food more than to taste it for myself. I like what I call, "Bioregional food," This is food native to your bioregion, such as the Ozarks. I don't really know what to write about, but I love fermented food and here is some food native to our region:

1) Pickled Black Walnuts
2) Wild Potato Vine (Ipomoea Pandurata): The root tubers, when baked can be used as a vegetarian substitute to pulled pork in recipes. You can also use it to make mashed potatoes, but I don't think that the texture fairs well with it.
3) Autumn Olive (Elaeagnus umbellata): Not an olive! It makes a fine wine if you know how to ferment it! It taste sweet; however, it is invasive. So use ALL the berries!
4) Spicebush (Lindera benzoin): Can be used for tea. Crushed the dried leaves and berries and put into a tea ball. Brew the tea, mix with honey or turn it into an oxymel.

There are many more foods, but I have yet to actually grow any. I refuse to grow any invasive species and choose to harvest them wild instead. Even though I know how to prepare food in a traditional manner, e.i., a manner that does not utilize any formal modern equipment such as a refrigerator, since I want to live without or with barely any technology in the future. So the food I would prepare will be good, but it will take time to develop a taste for it because modern food is filled with bland flavors and the like. The flavors present in fermented food is more diverse; meaning, there are so many different flavors that come up in one bite. Every batch that you ferment will taste similar to the last, but will have minor or major differences depending upon the room's ambient temperature, amount of salt, amount of water and other things like the present bacteria. This bacteria is actually good for you, it's called probiotics. I like to cook with cast-iron skillets because steel is too modern (I'm kind of a anti-modernist), and copper can be poisonous (Even if copper skillets look good). Plus, I've heard that some of the iron in the skillet gets into the food and I think that we can all use some of that in our blood! Yeah, I love preparing food. I guess I just don't enjoy food that is prepackaged as the preservatives and processing really takes out the stuff that gives it flavor: the raw ingredients.

Plus, I would love to live in a world based upon the past; so that influences what I want to cook. Imagine eating a historical meal, but based upon old dietary laws of older religions. I think that would be cool.

1. I am a self-trained vocalist. NO, you do not use your vocal chords to sing. If you do will damage your voice over time. You use subharmonic techniques, and the body parts you use to sing are your diaphragm, soft palette, fry register amongst other complex muscles in your throat and chest. Singing without knowledge on how to do so can be damaging, please consult someone who knows how to sing before learning.
2. I play the guitar good sometimes okay; I've only been playing for a year so I'm kind of bad.
3. My sense of humor changes often, but now I make jokes about my injuries, myself, drugs and the company BD.
4. You probably don't need to or want to know what BD is.
5. I like speedcore, black metal, metalcore, indie folk, indie, crust folk, folk music, folk metal, hardcore rock, post-black metal; basically, any music that is historical like folk, and any extreme electronic or metal genre I enjoy. I also like ambient, preferably dark ambient.
6. I have bicuspid aortic valve disorder.
7. One of my favorite songs is about a device used to keep people with detrimental heart conditions in pace, called, "PACEMAKER REV. 2.0" by the Quick Brown Fox.
8. I like snakes.
9. I'm eighteen.
10. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety as a child; however, I exhibit no symptoms of them now.
11. I have a high pain tolerance and enjoy certain stressful situations. One of my childhood dreams was to teleport in a world like Silent Hill, or other psychological horror series.
12. As a child, I suffered severe Aspergers, a form of autism that I have since outgrown. Very rarely any of it still remains.
13. I study theology, meaning religion. I prefer to study private religions, fringe religions, and spirituality, along with certain ancient religious practices.
14. I love meditating to dark ambient music.
15. I desire to own land and build a homestead in the future.
16. Through meditation, I have the ability to induce a deep state of consciousness in which I lose partial contact with my bodily functions; however, thanks to my medulla my brain and heart still work. If I were to go any deeper into meditation I would become dissociated with reality - something I wish to achieve - and it would generate a heavy amount of hallucinations. This is a goal of mine.
17. I have centered my future career around nature, as I believe that nature is inherently, scientifically, spiritually and literally above humanity in all ways.
18. There are few people that I care enough about to defend them with my life; these people are rare and you will never see them.
19. I have an honor code, I take it very seriously. I tells me how to act, what to do and not to do, and enforces aspects of my life. Since I have still a small remaining bit of ADHD in me, it allows me to keep my behavior stable.
20. My ideal form of government is primitivist entarchy; however, this would send us back to the stone ages so I let it pass.
21. I recently got into a skateboarding accident, which explains the bruises and scratches on my face.
22. I cannot tell people who I am.
23. I have an affection towards low-technology solutions in a high-tech world.
24. I'm a traditionalist; I'd rather read a physical book than a pdf.
25. I study mind-altering alkaloids and how they affect the human mind.
26. I do not feel comfortable when people know stuff about me, so is it okay if I delete this once it gets graded?
27. I have a soft spot for Out of Placers and archaic literature.
28. Because of my current injuries, I am in much pain!
29. In the future, I will reduce my technological use to the bare minimum.
30. I'm a minimalist. Minimalism is a lifestyle.
31. One of my favorite dark ambient artist right now is Flowers for Bodysnatchers. You can really feel the emotional aspects of the stories he tells with the sound he designs; it's really dark and depressing.
32. I'm a skateboarder. It's a dangerous sport and I don't recommend it at all. Please don't do it, as it hurts bad once you get in an accident. I got in one on Sunday, ripped my jeans and I have scars and wounds all over my body. I had to take off all my clothes and it took near an hour getting everything, "Fixed," up. My face, which took the most damage, was spurting bright red coagulated blood all over my bared, torn feet. I have a high pain tolerance than most people but I still do not recommend it. I have an adnormal ability to remain calm in a situation involving blood, gore, and injuries; even if the blood, gore and wounds are on myself. I guess that's what years of listening to terrible dark music and playing horror games does to yah; I'd be a good forensic crime-scene photographer as I wouldn't vomit on the dead corpses! Cool! Maybe that can be a last resort job for me! (Hopefully, I can use some pictures in my grotesque art projects.)
33. I'm weird and I'm into weird things; people my age don't like me for this, but older people do.
34. I'm polite, mostly toward older people as I have learned to respect our elders; only if they are open-minded, of course.
35. I'm usually a soft-spoken person, that takes many things seriously unless I have an overwhelming sense of happiness.
36. People say I'm intelligent; I can see why.
37. During the year of 2015, I exhibited psychotic-like symptoms, despite not having clinical psychosis.
38. For three years of my life I was subject to prescription drugs, I no longer take any and made a formal oath of only taking of few forms of therapy in the case of mental illness or other things. If a doctor forces to me undergo a form of treatment without my formal consent, I will retaliate. It won't be pretty.
39. I used to listen to grindcore music.
40. I only fear sleep paralysis, but I hope to have these problems in the future as I have had them in the past. They are terrifying, but I like it.
41. If I am in a severe state of depression, my mind will exhibit sleep paralysis symptoms but in waking reality; meaning, I may have short hallucinations of black silhouettes. I named the first one I saw my Shadow-self. No, I do not have any severe mental disorders. It is just the human brain is capable of more than we know. Meditation (see number 16), can heighten more primitive areas of the human mind. It is not as common as I make it out to sound. This is not a symptom of number 37.
42. No matter what happens to me, I'm always OK!
43. This is a lot of things about me.
44. I'm a very secretive person and do not want to tell everyone everything about me.
45. I prefer extreme sports over organized sports, like skate-boarding.
46.

Music and Writing:

1. When you listen to music, what feelings/emotions does it evoke?

I listen to various forms of music: Hard rave genres such as happy hardcore music, speedcore and the like. However, I am not quite fond of the electronic music industry, and I only listen to this when I'm so happy that I desire to run around the room and dance like an idiot on some kind of drugs. I barely do this, as I usually prefer to listen to spiritually atavistic music, like Cascadian metal. The purpose of it is to create an altered state of experience through the use of death metal, and since my spiritual beliefs are rather ancient and historic it only makes sense to, 'access,' the energies and current of this form of music in order to help me perceived what is known as the spiritual other: the sense of inhumanity and ancient alienness that is the deeper parts of our psyche. This part of our mind is used to facilitate a spiritual experience. Bands like Echtra, Fuana, Ekstasis along with Botanist. The band Botanist advocates for Entarchy, which is a system of government in which the forest and its attendent laws and natural rules are taken as the law of the land quite literally if you will. The forest is also worshipped as the ultimate god, and sacrifices of blood and other fluid is necessary. The ideology openly supports the dissolution of the human race and its attendents so as to allow the forest to dominant us and our lives until our demise. Obviously, this ideology will not catch on since it is rather niche in nature but since it sounds like something that I supported a year ago* so I decided to support the artist. Not only do I enjoy the music itself, I also like the message and what the artist stand for. I also perceive it as a very spiritual thing, despite the fact that it may sound extreme to some people. In conclusion my spiritual views, ideologies and associated subcultures (Like folk crust punk, hence me enjoying We The Heathens. Or like furry art and subculture, hence me enjoying Halley Labs) influence my taste in music very greatly. However, I do enjoy midwest emo, pop punk, dream-pop and et alia; this music reminds me of my youthfulness, and since I have a very serious outlook on life and philosopher, it reminds me to have fun with my time here on this thing called Earth; I also enjoy dark ambient, for spiritual reasons. Even though it really isn't music. It's more like a bunch of drones and dark chamber field-recordings.

2. What is your favorite song? Why? Is it connected to a certain time, event, or place?

List of my favorite songs, with genre and precedding explanation, not in any order:

a) PACEMAKER REV_2.1, album; NERVE'S ENDING by the Quick Brown Fox. Reason for enjoyment: It just sounds fun! Genre: Speedcore
b) Fallohides, album; The Blood Behind the Dam, by We The Heathens. Reason for enjoyment: I love folk music, and since I also enjoy modern forms of punk and metal the combination of the two (Along with the relaxing nature field-recordings present in the album) makes for a very earth-centered and modern experience.

Above: We The Heathens album art for, "The Blood Behind the Dam", all copyright goes to them. Taken from wetheheathens.bandcamp.com

c) Sky Burial, the album written and composed by Echtra; I enjoy it for spiritual reasons and listen to it recreationally sometimes.
d) One Thing, album; Blast Radius by Coyete Pepper. Reason for enjoyment: I like the associated company for obvious reasons,and since I desire to own a business in the future they are like a symbol that shows that even the most insanely odd ideas can grow into a successful business is inspiring to me. I also enjoy the music for its sound and what it means, and use the song for as a part of my vocal warm-up practices.
e) 电动少女, album; Here comes a new challenger! by Chinese Football, Reason for enjoyment: I like the youthfulness of the song, plus I enjoy midwest emo math rock.

3. How has your taste in music changed over the years?

The first ever song I heard and really enjoyed was by Queen. Growing up, since I was an aggressive and energetic boy I listened to a lot of Nu Metal bands, like Linkin Park (I listened to them for three years, then I discovered Green Day, Gorillaz). Soon I started listen to a radio through my television while doing homework and discovered Bring Me The Horizon, Deftones and other heavy bands. After listening to Metalcore and Dubstep music I started expanding my musical horizons even wider and discovered Dark Ambient while I accidently discovered minimalism and how it applies to music and as a life-style. Then I started to take my spirituality more seriously and started exploring older forms of music and other forms of metal. Everything weaves together into one strong path!

4. Why do you gravitate towards certain types of music? Why do you think you dislike certain types of music? (Influences, history, parents)

I love energetic music because I'm rather an energetic person. In public I'm more reserved and quite, mostly because I'm a thinking introvert and I'm shy. But being mute for long periods of time is very meditative to me, and meditation feels good. It's a spiritual thing I do: Meditate. It just feels so good. So sometimes my music may sound very nature-like and calm, other times it will be happy and fast, or dark and brooding. But I grew up with heavier music and rock and as a consequence I have a tendency to lean more towards that genre. Growing up, I hated anything to do with the country, especially what I called at the time, 'Hillbilly music.' Fortunately, I am not ignorant as I was back then, but I still do not really enjoy modern country music. I prefer the blues or bluegrass music, rather than songs about big green tractors or how whisky is or something cliche like that (I'm sorry if I offended any country musicians out there).

5. Do your friends listen to the same styles of music as you? What do you think this means?

No. My music, like most things I enjoy, are niche. Meaning they are orientated to a specific group of people that enjoy a specific thing; but I like to keep my music this way. It makes me feel good to be the only person I know who likes this music in my general vicinity. However, with genres like Indie folk or midwest emo, I just want to perform these songs with a group of musicians. Or listen to it while star-gazing with a close friend. Star-gazing is very meditative and you can learn a lot of history by studying the stars. I like to read about it, then when someone is star-gazing with me I tell them the history, mythology and science associated with it and people rather enjoy that.

6. "Without music, life would be a mistake," -Fredrick Nietzsche. Music can put you in different worlds, different states of mind, it can give you a new perspective on your emotions and have encouraged millions to keep on going in rough times and to enjoy the present moment. Sometimes, if I'm feeling down, I can sit outside as the sun sets listening to a song. I don't really like to listen to some songs, I like to experience them. Which is why I enjoy the music I like; it has an ambient tonality to it that makes it feel like it is alive, like it is living and telling you all that you already know how to feel. It allows you to put even the worse situations into a perspective that helps you understand and cope with them more.

15. Would you ever want to sing or be a musician professionally?
 Yes, my side career will actually be writing, composing, producing and mastering my own musical albums. I'm also a trained vocalist. I'm trying to learn how to do extreme unclean vocal techniques; they are SO hard. These vocals are basically the safe way to, "Scream," in music without fully injuring yourself. However, if not done right to the highest degree it will slowly destroy your voice. Fun fact! My falsetto was permanently destroyed when I swallowed a mint whole while taking a test in eighth grade! It got lodged up in my larynx and it was there until it melted. It hurt, a lot.

*(and still do, to some loose extant; however, that is another topic revolving around biology, ecology and how I realized that it is pointless to demonize and hate myself just because I am human. One day we will die out and the world will heal itself)

Happy Artisan Architectural Stuff: Screw the Codes! [Excerpt from my Junior Year Journal]

I finally sent the letter to the Cultus! Yay! I also have an idea for artisan architecture that promotes the growth of native biodiversity without damaging its surrounding ecological environment. It will have no plastics of any kind, nor any damaging chemicals. The carpets, if able, will be replaced with soft, native grass. This carpet of sorts will be watered through drip irrigation from the rain water that gets collected on the roof. The drip irrigation system and surrounding outdoor permaculture forest garden will be watered by the elements and a geopolymer pipeline if applicable. (A gray water system should be installed for the shower and sink, wasted food gets composted and the toilet is a composting toilet). The refrigerator is replaced with a fermented food pantry (underground, if you can.) since it stores for a long time and is healthy (Meats like fish and poultry and any kind of solid plant is fermented, drinks can be fermented into kvass soda or alcohol, along with water storage. Ooh! Prickly Pear syrup in kvass soda! Sounds good!). The outer walls will be straw-bale walls, outside plastered with natural hydraulic lime (Handmade, if you can), the inner walls being plastered with clay plaster. The wood used should be strong, and should be debarked by hand. Keep the log naturally round, for square logs are weaker There's a reason why trees aren't rectangular prisms, so why do we use sheets of wood and flat wood planks to build weak, ugly, stubby commercial homes? Round wood is naturally stronger, as nature favors the strong and therefore not the nasty rectangular prism logs that mills pull out. The logs should be joined with heavy-duty nuts and bolts to increase the strength and endurance of the building.

Oh, wouldn't it be cool if the fermentation jars would be organized by color based upon the visible [or light] spectrum (or rainbow colors, if you will). It's art, practical and food! You see, different jars will be different colors because of the contents inside, put them in a visible color spectrum based order and it looks like a rainbow; however, since fermented food should be stored in the dark, you may not see it. Boo.

I wrote this because I injured myself skateboarding (I lost my balance, and then I was thrown off and rolled onto the road. I got up, in pain. I gather my skateboard and limped home to take care of my injuries. Then I went back to dangerous hill-surfing! Woo!) I now need to rest my body and I decided to think. I was talking about how carpets are disgusting sponges with my mom and how I would rather have a natural dirt floor when I saw the grass I walk on outside my bay window sliding door thing and I got the idea. I might go down to my community spa pool to ease the pain, maybe I can make new friends while I'm there. Or, maybe the people will leave me alone... Nah, only the drunk frat boys who can't rap, but still try to do that! Yay! I'm a natural idiot repellent! Seriously though, those guys are annoying. However, the home should follow codes to the best of nature's ability. I should also build it in regards to my spirituality. Yay! My crooked path is getting sharper with thorns. My side hurts still.

Mellified Man Draft

"Mellified Man"

There is a man buried in the sand.

His body stuck in an urn of honey,

That his owner wanted to sell for money.

The man said, "Am I dead? Or sleeping a very deep sleep?"

"Don't move!" Said the owner, "Don't even creep! 

Or else you will spoil the honey and I'll never get my money!"

The owner walked away and left the man to stay.

"Will I ever see the light of day as I rot away in this jar of honey"

Said the man.

"Just so my owner could get some money?"

He waited and waited for the light of day, but years would pass until he found his own way

There was a merchant who sold fine wares, he wore fancy clothes and had golden hairs.

"Ah!" said the merchant, as he found a lump in the sand, "I wonder, don't I wonder, if here lies a mellified man!"

He dug and he dug and he heard a big THUNK!

This is the urn, the buried man's trunk.

He picked up the urn of honey but sold it for money.

"Oh, no!" Yelled the man, "This isn't funny!"

Childhood Inspired Writing

Despite what I may have told you, not everything in my childhood was bad. As a matter of fact, these experiences may have helped make me a better person. I believe that I am a more open-minded person due to these experiences; and therefore, I hate ignorance and do not tolerate it. I am intolerant of religious ignorance (Both toward certain religions and when religious people target groups like homosexuals or furries), sexual ignorance (Homophobia), amongst any other forms of ignorance spouted by people who really need to open their mind and educate themselves. I will protect and defend those defeated by ignorance because I will believe it is right. Anyway, without further ado, here's some embarrassing stuff from my childhood:

1. I remember one time I was playing outside. You see, my aunt owned an illegal child day-care business, so the kids I didn't like and I went for our regular playtime.
12. I was over at a gymnasium because my big sister was a gymnast in here more perfect years. I got bored of watching her, plus I didn't even know where she was. My mind was always unable to focus at the time, so I ended up going near the lockers and stealing a soda I found. Somehow, the person who owned it managed to stick candies stuck inside of the bottle, so I opened it up to find out how they placed it in there. Well, it exploded so I just threw it at the locker and laughed. The kid that I've never seen before walked up to me and asked if we could play tag. Well, I did and I ended up playing tag with him. Once I got back to the bleachers to watch my sister I told him to stop. However, he did not and he ended up pushing me. My body backflipped under the bleachers and I cracked open my head on one of the bleachers. Blood was everywhere. I got up, crying; and my stupid aunt told my mother, "We cannot take him to the hospital, it will cost $400.00 and I don't have the money." So, I just got home, put ice on my head and now, if I were bald, you'd see a scar on my head from the event. It's like a subtle dent in my head, I can still feel it. It hurts when I hit it on the shelf.

Biography: Attempted Life in Living, Alas.

"Aye, La vie vaut la peine d'être vécue, la mort vaut le culte! Mustn't you look upon yourself for who you aren't to be! This life of mine, much a life I beheld, now is the melting pot of my creativity and the rest is just what is in my mind. Now, behold! Harken forth, all ye worshipers, find the way to escape the pestilence of that which holds you. May your life be as good as mine. Many thanks unto you, many thanks be. So may shalt those who go by night, live a lie and see. The people of this realm would be the people that be.

Aye, Que la mort vous embrasse, que la vie soit courte! But, alas! Such is life, for it ends ever so quaintly. May your soul exist forever in the inside of the beast, and may that he and she exist purely for its consumption. For the true beast controls all living, controls all that is dead and forces them in an endless cycle of birth and rebirth until one finds that true rebirth comes from death! Such is life, the endless, fathomless abyss which the gunningagap of fate may break! Bow all ye worshipers, for what is dead is dead!" - Thoughts and Contemplation journal, Volume II by the author; listed under, "Poetry in the Form of Essays," which contain the nonsense of archaic English.

My life, for all to see? Nay, this is certainly not, for I am too coy; to bashful in the presence of intrusion upon my past that I dare not choose to show what lies underneath. Yah, how crude ye say! How crude. But, alas, I am just a humble writer. Who has written in archaic English, and for what? For you to comprehend? Certainly not! You mustn't comprehend, by my hands and my hands alone, the past is dead. I have written much, written many. But none published, none recognized. Who will see what is plain and good? Nay, nobody here! You will not, and I shall never see the day when this, so called putrid excuse for a "Biography," will be noticed. Just know, dearest reader, one shall not attempt to find meaning in this script. For it means nothing. There is no point! Nah, none at all! My writings are just the surreal attempt to make you perceive that which you consider intelligent; that which is omnipotent, that which shalt die. It is just poetry without stanzas, without rhyme. It is, therefore nothing, and that is what you shall know about me: Nothing! Nothing at all!

Good day, may life hear the call of death and weep at your beginnings.

Books for Kids! and the Parents will Read!

Books for Kids! Transcription: Copy #42

Title of Book: "We Found a Hat"

Author: "Jon Klassen"

Is there an author's bio in the front or back of the book? "Yes."

What does it say about the author? "He wrote and illustrated, 'I want My Hat Back,' and, 'This is not my Hat.' 

Describe the cover in a detailed sentence: "Very minimalistic, watercolor, yet beautiful. I think that he used sponges to paint."

# of Pages: "25 in total."

List the Characters: "Turtle 1 and Turtle 2"

Describe the Setting(s) in a detailed sentence: "Desert in reality, outer-space in the dreams they had."

Transcriber #42 was executed for releasing expunged data, further whereabouts classified.

Hopper Inspired Writing: "Wisht Well of Janine"

I see her every now and then, sitting alone. I've never seen anyone more gone from the worldly affairs of humanity. No one knows her name, and no one pays her heed. I have taken to call her, "Janine," after a woman who looked quite similar. A woman I knew long ago. Her pale skin shined in the moon light, most like a Visum et Repertum. Perhaps, she goes by night to arouse her victims; or more so, her prey is herself. Janine lived a short, painful life. One that she would not tell or talk about, but she looked calm and quite. She was a silent tree amongst a forest of mating calls, yet as all know: Those that are silent have the most to say. But, she said but naught and kept to herself. She never spoke of her past, her turmoil. She never made a word about her life or the strife found in it; she only said to me, on the train to New York, "My name is Janine," in the most quite of voices. She spent most her her time in thought, maybe writing a prose of two. The futility of her fate was heavily apparent, weighing down every part of her being through and through until she could no longer bear the burden anymore. A few days later, I saw her disappear, and sometimes when I am at the cafe I hear her voice. But when I turn around, the person is silently sulking over a mug of coffee.
Maybe, it is Janine. Or maybe a doppelganger; or else, just another woman in the cafe. Whoever she may be, she will always be a Janine to me.

Narrative Poem for Art Pieces

"End, based upon the Painting, 'Chatterton,' by Henry Wallis"

In which I look out of this place.

I see him.

Sometimes I do not desire to be near him, though.

But what other place may I go? Each time I try to know,

as I skim,

through the pages ripped from the space.

The space in which I look out of this place.

I desire to get out, to run about.

But with him, may I forever stay,

as my mind is forlorn, my thoughts just stray.

A life lost is a change made,

I guys that is why I ran away; away from my body

Away from my mind.

For new lands in death shall I find.

Liberty and Law Essay: Fallacies in the World of Communication

Sorry, I needed a place to post this.

"Fallacies in the World of Communication"

Currently, in these political times, as a nation we are more divided than ever. With what seems to be the most ignorant business man at the helm of our law, it seems as if his draconian rule may never quite halt to a stop. The president then, is much like a demiurge: a Ialdaboath amongst the clay-born. This anxiety is magnified with the large amount of fraudulent news websites spouting out none sense involving politics, getting both the educated and the vapid stuck in a sense of spurious confusion, not unlike a rip current. So, with both a potentially unpredictable, and therefore untrustworthy man steering America along for a ride, and with all the false information coming out from the wily bastards who craft it, we all can understand the reasoning for this upheaval of stress upon US civilians.

But what are we to do in such unsure times? Technology was made for the purpose of improving our day to day lives, after all; however, when it is used to spread the fallacies of man it is easy to assume that something must be done for us to make the proper decisions and take the proper actions for our country as a whole. Especially since fake news sites do have real effects on voting patterns and law-based decision-making. It may also be hard for most, if not all, Americans to trust a single star upon the flag with things like the disruption of privacy and laws that may affect our personal lives: such as whether or not my homosexual friend can stay married to what is called in the gay community a, "Power top bear". It is necessary then for us to discover the validity of such news sites before making any decisions based upon them, because these fraudulent websites will still exist even if we pay them no attention. The government cannot, due to the constitution, prevent websites from spreading this information, as it presents no legal harm. That is, until, a man or woman makes a political decision based off of the false knowledge it spreads.

An Article of the Arcane Traditional Craft

The art of Andrew D. Chumbley (1967-2014), who was a professional writer, artist, scholar and theorist of the occult was and is an inspiration to my current, past and future theological studies. I love to see how religion affects the mind,  especially since small areas of science are actually developing explanations for spiritual experiences which is called neurotheology. It is a branch of theology and neurotheology, and the sole purpose of it is to explain and support the theory and belief that religious experiences are of a biological origin. I have written a short article on the importance of occult practices in the inducement of and control of these spiritual experiences:

"To deny religion is to deny the possible sciences and histories behind it. Science may also never find any evidence of supernatural beings because they are claimed to be immaterial; therefore, since science explains the observable, material and organized world through our artifices and through quantifiable data, it is easy to assume that even if these spirits existed science would not be able to prove or disprove the belief or existence of spiritual creatures. However, this should not act as evidence against or for science. Both would be absurd. Science and religion are two faculties of logical understanding of this realm unseparated by humanity, for it will never go so long as we are here. There is a connection between the two that can be explored via occultism; a controversial and demonized aspect of spirituality, disaproved of by both scientist and religious clergy. Deemed as heresy and witchcraft so long ago, it is unsurprising that most occultist are hidden from today's general society. Some religious scholars and practitioners dismiss occultism by claiming it isn't a reality and that the practice is a bastardization of a certain religious laws. The scientist claims that the occult isn't a reality and thus it is seen aa a bastardization of certain scientific laws; however, nuerotheologist attribute religious experiences to biological phenomenon. It is then hypocritical for both the rationalist and religious person to deny occultism as a viable religious and psychological event and therefore, the religious woman or man cannot claim that the occult is, by religious law, bad. For it facilitates the human faculties needed to experience and express religious states of mind, and the scientist can no longer dismiss the occult and witchcraft as mere superstition, due to the experiences being purely biological in nature. Religion and science is just two seperate, yet whole, ways of understanding the universe around you, even if religion is technically wrong.

There is more to this realm than mere logic and religion; and such things as the occult, psychedelics and meditation may allow us to explore this inner mysterium: the arcane contrivances of the human mind. We perceive everything with our mind based upon our perception of our reality; therefore, the world is a reflection of our perceived views of the world in which we reside. Our mind can percieve, therefore the world is our mind. The occult is a visible manifestation of the silence that speaks to us all, a direct metaphor and manipulation of the very device used to perceive the world that we, as humans, wake up to. It is also, at its secondry core, the first core being an exploration of the psychological make-up of the ipsiety of the man or woman, the manifestation of belief; the manifestation of the metaphorical religious symbology of the mind." (Written in my, "Junior Year Journal")

Some archaic rituals, who's history is too old to be traced currently is said by some who perform it to activate certain primitive functions of the brain, which exhibit themselves in the form of paranoia and very rarely psychosis. The ritual is known by men and women called, "Toadsmen," or "Toadswomen." It is a rite that can only be performed once you have been granted permission from a sign or omen, usually found in a dream. The ritual allows the Toadsman or woman to gain the Toad Bone Amulet, which claims to help you control animals, man and other forces of nature. Whatever the validity of these claims, it is believed by these practitioners that as the bone ages, it loses its power and thus you lose the power it granted you. This means that you have to repeat the ritual, and when asked about it if one should do the ritual for these powers, the person who has done it may reply, "Don't, for you won't be able to sleep at night."

Practitioners have been known to lie and cheat their way out of certain things, and such the aspects of paranoia may as well be a lie to scare away any given person from acquiring these perceived powers. These Toadsmen, as a result of the ritual, usually die young; and they die a violent death at that. Andrew D. Chumbley has written about the topic before, and the rite is so old that it was recorded by Pliny the Elder. Since he did die of an asthma attack at the age of 37, it may be easily assumed that he himself had done the ritual to gain the power of the Toadbone.

This doesn't seem like science to you, does it?

Well, that's where neurotheology comes in. Why do these practitioners experience forms of paranoia as a result of the ritual, what is the science behind the belief in the power to control humans and animals? Is it a metaphor or symbol for a concept much deeper; which, is possible because most occultists speak for the experience of all humans and thus it could be a code or allegorical representation of something beyond normal human comprehension. There are a lot of changes the brain undergoes by repeating certain actions such as prayer, meditation and even just looking at memes before you go to bed. Is it possible that occultist are somehow changing the way their brain thinks and reacts to the world through the rituals that they do? These are just some of the questions neurotheologist need to ask in order to fully comprehend the rational and logical explanations for spirituality and other various religious experiences that many people go without in their lives.

Andrew believed that witchcraft (beyond the scope of the original purpose, vis-a-vis healing ailments and diseases thought to have come from supernatural forces), and the occult was a way to manifest true belief into the world around us. Whether you take this literally, or you think it is just a bunch of bunk really depends on your view of the world and the potential for these practices to have a rational explanation, or impact on your life or not. Science and religion, like perception in general, is subjective; meaning, each and every person will believe, perceive and practice different forms of truths. For, in reality, there is no, "One Truth," to everything, just individual truth. Even if his acquaintances who are still alive today do not agree with what I am saying, I think that is fine. You have the right to disagree with me, but this is my view: There is an irrational explanation for everything so long as a rational explanation exist. Spirituality is used as an enhancement of the human organism and devoting yourself to spiritual practice with an open, unbiased mind can help to create profound changes in the mind.

I assure you, however, that neurotheology may not recognize the beautiful effects and defects of ritual practice on the mind, but even with my limited knowledge of neurology, I can tell you that daily meditation and practice has amazingly drastic effects on the mind, for good or ill depending upon how and why you practice.

The brain sees tools as an extension of yourself. So when you are writing, your brain perceives the pencil as a part of you; after all, the brain evolved to control your body, not your tools. So the brain made your tools become your body. This topic was explored in Nicholas Carr's book, "The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brain," the author explains and this in better detail. If this does not convince you, remember that the brain is plastic meaning that it changes based on our actions and behavior. So even if the occult does not have any rational explanation, it is clear to assume that over a long period of time it can, in fact, change the way one's mind works.

Window Poem

Looking in is looking out, seeking out a soul to run about.
The farmer's workshop eating through the days as I watch him toll away.
Something's off, on this day. For something, sometimes the farmer passes away.
That was yesteryear, the day of love, of work, of fear.

Not much is known about the life of Dong Yuan, but he founded the Southern Style of Landscape Painting. Like most artist of his time, he was an official. Sadly, he never left any portraits of himself or other people.



His best piece is his Xiao and Xiang Rivers, a painting on silk, and it is his most respected masterpiece. I chose this artist because I enjoyed his art style, but ultimately I only regret it to an extent because of the lack of information on him.



He is also known for developing the Shen Shou genre of Chinese art, which means, "Green and Blue."

Hellbender

Only three bodies found and one went on in their place,

Only three bodies found, the last lies in the ground a rooting corpse of these three bodies found.

Grown to maturity, a tale lost, a tale told.

Replace the found bodies, Only one life is sold.

Has the world gains peace it'll fall to peices,

No one can tell, hat happens in hell.

But at least the hellbender knows.

In the newspaper there was an article on a old dam being destroyed and before the operation of removing it three Hellbenders - a form of salamander deemed important - was found and protected. During the operation, a flood broke out and a girl ended up drowning.

Six Word Memoir

Born to die, now I'm waiting.

This memoir above sums up the fact that I was born premature. It's easy to feel as if one has no purpose in life simply by the repetitivity of it all. So at times, it feels like I'm waiting.

Books that Change Perceptions and Satanist?

Don't get me wrong, I love fiction; alas, I just do not read it as much as I should. Instead, I opt for books that are more like essays, about folklore and superstition. Maybe it's for academic reasons, maybe it is because I am what they write about. But, no matter. I find it interesting and I have been able to connect almost all superstition and folkloric beliefs and realized that they are all universal. However, I read a book by a Satanist called Fosforos. Most people told me not to, claiming that the book was cursed and other odd things. But I went ahead and did it, and it was the most profound exploration of science, philosophy and religion that I've ever read. I know that a lot of people would judge me, saying that what this man claims is most untrue and therefore should be avoided, but I see striving toward the light and goodness as a bad thing.

To strive to light and only goodness is to deny the darkness hidden within us all. It is a path of ignorance, for you are denying the truth that nothing is good and nothing is bad. I can be good. I've helped children before, but I've also gotten angry and punch someone (Although, I don't fight anymore. I just stopped one day). The most interesting part of the book was the chapter on Polyharmonia, or the belief that we are all one. He claims that evil is caused by ignorance, and that ignorance breeds fear and paranoia and then goes on to create aggression. I think, that most Christians would agree with this man no matter his religious orientation. What was different, and a common feature for people considered heretics by the Christian church is that his understanding of the Bible and its history was better refined than the priest of this time. I learned a lot, but I'm still not finished with it. Here's an excerpt from page 18, which summarizes the topic of chapter one:

1) There is one all-encompassing cosmos, the existence of which is certain, eternal, and unconditional - of this there is no doubt.

2) Because it remains and does not change, oneness must be in a constant state of balance. Oneness, without anything external to it, must be unchanging in its basic being. Consisting of and having in itself the causes of change -laws- or rather the Reason that is their essence, oneness is the background against which that Reason acts and define its action. Therefore, it cannot be changed by that action without the laws themselves changing, which in turn would be in contradiction to their own basic being. If such were the case there could be nothing perceptible.

3) However, since the harmony in this unity can act as a foundation for the laws that govern existence and manifestation,  it cannot be in contradiction with them. Therefore, in unity, as in everything that exist below it and in multiplicity - in other words, that which is inside of it in a fragmented and crystallized form, both in the spiritual and in the physical worlds - there must exist the same degree of opposite forces, polarities that together are perfectly neutral from the viewpoint of the whole.

The list itself is a lot longer than what is written, but it gives a fine example of what the book is really about. This is one of those books that I would have sitting on my desk to pick up whenever I need to fully understand a problem.

Something about Movies

"Every man dies, not every man really lives." - William Wallace, Braveheart
"The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all" - The Princess Diaries
"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beatiful of all" - Mulan
"Ah, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or, learn from it." - Rafiki, The Lion King

This blog post is kind of rant-like, so be prepared for some crazy stuff.
Lately, I haven't been able to learn. Learn from my past, and my present; I am an ever looming cloud over my head. But what of it? Because all of the pain is what allows me to grow and live. But what of living? I have never truly lived, so I merely lived within myself. Myself is beautiful, myself is dangerous. I honestly don't understand why people complain about death. What of it? I assure you that if you lived a life full of what you wanted to do, you wouldn't fear death. I don't fear it. I love life, and I love dying. It is an art, a skill on acquires; you know, to live? And though my current state of mind is not ideal, since I am in pain, I can live through it. That's all I desire to do now. To live, to never give up until the day I die. I won't give up in death either, my ashes will move forever on. My soul will, too. What do I desire to do in life? Graduate high school, build a home, practice my culture, eat of the bread and do that forever on. I just simply desire to live. That is the purpose of life: to fulfill your purpose in life. To live.

I don't watch movies, though. I can't. I can't sit in one place for an extended period of time, because I have to get up and do something. Life is motion, and I desire to move even in death. I usually watch movies involving mythological creatures like dragons. I don't know why, but I always liked them. I'm just ashamed of admitting that because I'm afraid people would think it's odd. But I've learned to accept what makes me happy, what brings me pain. Because it shows me that I'm alive, and I am therefore living. I am here, now; and no pain or pleasure can prevent me from doing that. Nobody can take my life but me.

Actually, a movie that I watched today is the Sacrament. The story of the Eden Parish Massacre. It was quite sad, yet interesting.

Sunday, February 20, 2017
The most painful thing that I have ever experience is a migraine. The pain renders you helpless and weak, and therefore makes me depressed. I always have to be doing something. I can't just be sitting there, being lazy. Right now, I just want to be alone until the headache starts to make me weep as I fall asleep on top of the thorn bushes that I now sit upon. Trust me, a large, hot cut to the feet feels better than a migraine. I step on thorns and glass all day because I like to walk barefoot. I walk without shoes on the street, I walk on the glass left from car crashes, bottles of alcohol and the thorns and rocks on the forest floor. It's painful, I know; but it is also sensual. When you are in pain, your body creates endorphines - a natural tranquilizer - in order to reduce that pain. Then the intamancies created between what you step upon is amplified two-fold. It sounds disturbing, doesn't it? To fetishize pain? But I assure you, O' reader, that is not what I'm doing. The street lights turn on at six eleven p.m. where I am at now. But, truly, where am I? I'm in the field, possibly trespassing on somebody's property, with the device I am typing on and the Basic Works of Aristotle in my lap, right? I'm sitting here, with the chirping birds, the silent sound of streaming water and the passing of cars from a near-by road, right? Maybe my family worries about my whereabouts, and perhaps it is almost dinner. But here I am, near the stream, sitting atop dead thorn bushes cut down by an odd man in a tractor with the wights of the land quietly stalking me. I can feel the presence of him. But do you know where I am? I am in pain, and I took a pill to fix it but the pain prevails. I desire sleep, but I hate not doing things: and I have to do something. So it is six ninteen now, and I now know what I shall do: I will go home and eat that dinner. As I walked my way home, there I saw Venus plotted in the air, Lucifer in the sky.

Monday, February 20, 2017
Last night, as I prepared myself for sleep I remember the images of a man who's legs were amputated by a daemon of sorts called a Synx. I thought to myself, "I wonder, will a daemon come by night?" The creature, who in the image was imitating sexual intercourse on its victim despite its lack of reproductive orifices, would come for a visit; but, in a form unheard of. As I dreamt a scene of the outdoors, a child walked by me. His smile slowly faded and turned into a faint and distant screaming. My eyes crept open and I noticed that the light was turned on in the hallway with the din of a woman crying and screaming. "I need my medicine!" She wailed in a child-like manner, "Where is the key?!" The sound of moving and shuffling objects was heard as this she-daemon paniced for no good reason at all. I look at the time: it is one a.m.. I attempt to go back into the lush grassy fields of my mind, in hopes of ignoring the situation. I honestly could care less. I was thinking about recording this monstrousity but I refused to after I decided that I would rather burn for eternity than to relive this night. The daemon, upon arriving to her room, made a crude and terrifying announcement to my sister, "Did the boys put it some where?"

My sister, along with her girlfriend came in. She yelled, "Boys! It's time to wake up!" She repeated until we did and proceeded to ask questions, "Blaine!" She said as he suddenly awoke from his slumber, "Were you messing with the key to the black box?"

"What black box?" He replied.

"The medicine box!" Yelled Kennedy, my sister.

"No! I haven't even touched the black box!" He said hurredly as he realized the horrendous din coming from the daemoness.

"Ian!" She said to me, "Did you tamper with the medicine box when you were looking for your headache medicine?"

I turned around to look her in the eye, "No." I said. At this, she sighed and heavily and stomped with her terrified girlfriend going her way. I slumped back over, attempting to sleep.

"I need my medicine!" The daemon yelled as she threw a fit, "I just want to sleep!" She cried.

"Will you shut up?" Screamed Kennedy. "We're trying to find your keys! Why don't you get the boys to help?!"

The daemoness yelled out our name in desperation and instructed us to go in my mother's room to look under her bed. Kayla, Kennedy's girlfriend now laid over onto the floor, shaking uncontrollably and terrified. She was rendered into an anxiety attack caused by my mother's din and she passed out due to the immense stress my mother's infantile screaming created. I walked into the room, my mind in a haze of stress and tiredness from being woken up this early. I might of blacked-out much like Kayla, but my mind has dealt with stimulant induced psychosis and stress before so I would be fine. My brother, blessed be, was calm and like the rest of us thought that our mother's incessant screaming was a nuance beyond all else. I was calm, too; yet in shock. As we searched aimlessly, my little sister ran out of the apartment with the medicine box and threw it upon the ground effectively breaking the damn thing open. She rushed in, yelling at both Blaine and I to pick up the remaining drugs and medication. She ran in and my mother calmed down instantly when she saw it - the Xanax. Yes, this futile situation was caused because my mother cannot control her self when she has a panic attack and thus cannot control one's own emotions, and I do not care about the validity of her anxiety disorder. Nobody can control themselves in a panic attack. What I saw last night was not my mother - not that I ever saw her as one - I saw a weak woman who uncontrollably screams and cries then blames it on her mental illness. I saw a woman who knew not how to calm herself, as she did when she saw her drugs but became so ingrained in her supposed illness that she reverts to a time when screaming and crying fixed all problems. I saw a woman who is so dependent on the belief that a magic pill can fix all that I truly learned to never trust her again. A mature woman, unable to fix the root cause of an illness and thus become dependent upon a silly little pill. That makes me sick. But then again, this is the nature of a panic attack: You lose all sense of reality and self control.

Kayla's breathing was fast and her limbs shook in weakness. Her body was limp upon the floor as my mother popped a pill and proceeded to call her fiance and explain the situation as if she was the victim. Her body was over-heating due to the stress. After ten minutes of my little sister sponging Kayla's forehead with a cold rag she finally woke up, to weak and in too much pain to remember the events that unfolded in front of us all. My sister, helped Kayla to her room until she was fine. Laughing was heard from the room near two twenty. The next day, the quote sign read, "I am really sorry about last night! I love you guys! Have a good day! Love always, mom."

It is hard to forgive those, even loved ones, who have harmed another you hold dear.

"Death of Oneself, God's Given Burden"

The death of those that burn their limbs to black

Dharma is given, but this man gave back.

The town forgotten by the world as is,

to live a life in fire.

The world forgotten as is,

a life of light and one that's dire.

Forging to metal until you reach the sky,

the forge turns ash into mourning,

a corspe to be eaten in the morning

by the same government that let him down,

by his divine will, his blackened crown.

Siddhārtha Gautama rose up from the ground,

and gave the dead the dying crown.

Heavy it was, but what is done is done.

But I swear to you sir, it has only begun.

A revolutionary, or just another man?

Another man, yes another man.

So let him rise upon his grave, his grave his thrown of given days.
The death of those will suffice, give me your life, your sacrifice. 

Photography Assignment

I do not have an image of him, nor can I get one but one of the people that makes me laugh is Val Salia. This is not his real name, but then again I wouldn't want random people that I do not truly know to even speak my name. You see, his art makes me laugh. I do not know the man himself, but I do know his art - and it is hilarious. Since humor is a matter of perception, it is clear to assume that all people's humor is different; and thus, so is mine. Meaning that not all people who read what he writes and see what he draws is funny. But, I am one of the many people who enjoys his, for say, crude humor. It makes me laugh. He is also okay with his, "Friends," fan, "Art," if you know what I mean. All artist need to remember rule 34! Even I do, because I also am an artist. I probably should have not typed this because of the suggestive content. You're lucky you do not know who Troutsworth is. He's a... nice, odd guy. Heh.

The book that I found is the book that I am currently reading called, "Fosforos" by Johannes Nefastos. The writer is a Satanist, I am not; but, despite its dark origins (Or the ignorant so say; after all it is only dark because you put it there. You see, since life is a perception it is also a mirror of your own views.), it deals with the concept of Polyharmonia also know as the concept and truth found in the fact that we are all, inherently, one in direction. The name Satan comes from the hebrew word, "Ha-Satan" which means adversary or opposer. Opposer to what? Well, the answer is quite simply put: He is the adversary to creation. In order to understand what this means I suggest being open minded at all times and reading about Kabbalalitic lore which influenced Christianity. Most Christians deny this influence simply due to the lack of understanding that most modern men and woman put into it; which is why it is hard to perceive the truth in religion - whether you believe in religion or not does not matter. Because this is a book that explains life, that explains how to be happy, that explains how to be free. Satan is a symbol of man's freedom, which may seem heretical to those that lack the knowledge to and open-mind to support this concept, but the book deals with how to find freedom by finding one's self. It is something I recommend spiritual seekers to read, even if they aren't a Satanist. (NOTE: I am in no way a Satanist and I am not in any way trying to, "Convert" you, I recommend the book because even a Catholic priest can affirm the philosophy as true. A Buddhist monk or a Hindu Ascetic can confirm it as true in general. Do not let any un-open minded preconceptions dilute any potential knowledge and wisdom one may gain.) The goal of the book is to help people understand opposites. This whole, "Satanic" thing makes me look bad.

Something round and circle-shaped I discovered is simple also: A tennis ball brought to me by Cody, and a spearmint candy taken from the teacher's candy dish. Thank you for the candy and the tennis ball.

Something that looked like a face? I don't know, I didn't appear to find any. So here's a painting of my face:

I will have to apologize for the lack of images, but I assure you I will get more.

Conscious Streaming into a Poem, and Potential Answers to Questions regarding Homelessness and Illness

"Prayers of the Serpent, the Messiah"

by, Ian T.B. Montford

The Serpent's Siddur list prayers of the caged clay-born,
unto the simple man, may wisdom be imparted.
But through the simpleton, may their foolishness force them to become departed,
as the serpent consumes their soul in the black fire of scorn,
and vis-a-vis he will no longer be reborn.
Black scales left unseen as the Messiah cries,
El Acher runs through the wise man's blood as his clay-born dies.
Life is not truama, nor drama or hatred, but a simple system of delusion and you made it.
Through the vows and vies, I have yet to see the serpent's tear,
as the Pole or Axis Mundi shows us that there is nothing to fear.
Care for the demiurge may be as well a plague,
but truth be told, religion is so vague.
Only those who seek may be saved, yet not are seeking.
Truly, more suffer indignant seething.
Hail to Qayin, his fire embellishes us, as Adam's children relishes us.
Is it just me who sees the worth in the world and the constructively destructive properties of life?
Or is my philosophy flawed and my mind filled with strife?
Truly, I digress. As my mental state has left away the stress that had once caused my distress.
Never one for hate as I had used to be, now I have eyes and a mind to see,
maybe the mind is the only thing that is truly blind in the ignorant.
Or maybe the eyes are a mirror: Reflecting what we think upon what we see?
That truly is the truth found in the arrogant.
So yes, the Serpent's Siddur list prayers of the caged clay-born,
unto the simple man, may wisdom be imparted.
But through the simpleton, may their foolishness force them to become departed as if their life had never once started.

What I mean from this poem is just some conscious streaming about my Gnostic Judeo-Christian beliefs and the answers to all the questions about why people are homeless and in bad situations: It is those that see the homeless, the mentally ill, and drug-users as bad people who are the ones that created their problem in the first place. In my mind, people who are mentally ill are a bit interesting. If I had seen a schizophrenic yell out, "The rats are coming, the rats are coming!" I would know exactly how to calm down their hallucinations until the awake from their delusional stupor. I would reply, "But the rats are not coming for you." If then she or he says, "But they are crawling up your leg and eating it!" I will simply say to them, "But I do not need that leg, they do though. They need to feed their family with my leg." The homeless are much the same: People who do not desire to understand the problem give no heed to their cries of help and therefore they are left out to survive on their own. For better or for, in most cases, worse. We did not give them the opportunity of help and now they are helpless.

This is a problem that we caused, and now only we can fix it.

Just add a little verbal manipulation in tone and voice, with some abstract thinking and I assure you will start to understand the only truth: The only truth is that there is only individual truth. Meaning that your individual perceptions, beliefs and views are true because you make them that way. It is essential for the human race to have these views, so long as we do not force others to conform to them against their own will. For we all have a different perception of the world; some bad, good and some neutral. The world is much like a perception, maybe like a self-fulfilling philosophy. If you see the world as good, you are more likely to treat people that way and thus get good back. The same is true for the one who only has a nihilistic view of the world, or a Hindu view of the world, and et cetera. To get back on track now, all I am attempting to convey is though: The thought that maybe you committed in part to this situation by judging those that you have no true knowledge of.

Response to Maya Angelous's Questions

Angelous says she doesn't even like to talk about her bad dreams because talking about them "gives them too much power." Do you think talking about bad dreams or bad news or other bad things (or feeding into "drama" at school or in life) gives those bad things more power? When have you known this to happen?

In response to question three, I do talk about my bad dreams, and bad experiences with my dreaming life and waking life. I believe that it is necessary for growth in some people. I use my bad experiences in art, and in literature since I like the, "Dark" aesthetic. That's probably why I listen to dark ambient and black metal sometimes. Sometimes, when I feed into negative thoughts and feelings it can lead to a cesspool of negativity, and in that case it can be true. You see, thoughts are like a river, it always leads to the sea or a lake at the end.

After going through a major trauma at age seven, Angelou didn't talk for almost five years. Could you live this way? Do you talk too much or too little? What could you learn if you listened more and spoke less? How could you grow as a person by speaking more?

Question five is also a good one! I honestly think that I need to talk more. I apparently have the mental age or maturity of a forty three year-old, so it is hard to relate to some people in our society. Simply because I don't do Vines, I don't like Snap-Chap, I only use Facebook to communicate with my friends and I read about theology way too much. But my life is good with and without talking to people! So I guess I'm good.

Angelou says she is comfortable using six or seven languages; has spoken at one time or another as many as twelve, and has been a teacher of at least three. Are you comfortable using anouther language? Which languages would you like to be fluent in? Why those? Or do you think speaking English is good enough because you live in America and that's all we should need to live here? Why?

Six languages on question six, huh? So far I only know a small bit of Welsh, and I decided to learn Welsh because the flag has a dragon on it and I think that was really cool. That's actually why I learned it. I also like to study the folklore of the place, but that's not the point. If I learned another language, I would learn Hebrew so that I could translate some really cool theological text I want to read.

Accepting Death

NOTE: I left out some important details on purpose. People don't really need to know my personal life. Wow, that probably sounds really rude; I don't mean it that way!

As I fell asleep last night, I worried about life after death; I believe that all humans ponder on this topic. Some even fear it; the only problem is not that I don't want to die, it is that I didn't know what would happen to me in death at the time. As I wondered about life beyond the physical, my eyelids fell and the room darkened - Then, in a flash of light, I was seeing beyond the Earth. I was looking into the crystal ball that was my mind.

I was older, around the age of 28. I had lightly tanned flesh that blended in with the palette of Arizona. My dreadlocks were dark, thick and long, both my ears pierced and stretched with the addition of a plug. I had both arms tattooed with tribal-like designs. When I walked to get the mail from my mail box I found an invitation to a formal dinner party inspired by the works of Nikola Tesla. So I got on my best suit and drove to the Superstitious Mountains to get to this restaurant. When I had got there, many rich people wearing exquisite tailor-made apparel where there: Men with gelled hair and black suits, along with a woman who wore sparkling silver and red dresses that curved at the hips. Her ears had dangling black earings that shown under the eye tinted dark blue, with her hair-up to get it out of the way. The men with gelled hair wasn't as exciting, as they only wore their aforementioned black suites with short hair and perfumed linen, as only the richest were invited.

I was the only one with dreadlocks.

The entrance of the restaurant was an old gold prospecting cave, and had a sign with an instructional guide to the tour. The people around me were talking to each other until a man came to let us in the real beauty for the cave was too smooth and gray. The whole room was carved out of the cave itself. The entrance to this room had a bridge and floor made from glass that led to a square platform placed in the middle of the room. this platform then sprawled out into a museum full of Nikola Tesla's inventions. Under and around this platform was an aquatic displayed of blue lotus, koi fish, lilies and the water was a deep-sea green. The platform held cast-iron dining tables, and hidden among this was a black box. In it, was some of the most finest gemstone specimens in existence. I admired an orange stone that looked like a lone light in the fog.

Upon further investigation, I came across a "Crystallized Dinosaur Bone," as the label read. "Whoa!" I said, and looked towards a woman taking a seat beside me, "That's real dinosaur bone?"

"Yes, it is. A fine specimen, is it not?" Said the woman; she had a European accent.

The dinosaur bone turned into a tiny octopus that was tinted orange. It opened the latch on the box holding it in, and traveled over to a woman's plate of caviar; albeit, it was not fried squid as expected. It was a live octopus: the mother of the dinosaur-bone-baby octopus. Soon, his brother came, too. As did my mother, my little sister Kennedy and my brother Blaine. "What're you guys doing here?" I asked.

Suddenly, Kennedy smashed and killed the Dragon Bone spirit's brother as he was crawling on a metal post, and I freaked out. Thinking that all was lost, that we'd never see him again: what if? What if? But... wait! The smashed remains started inching towards its mother like a worm, and then he returned to his place of birth. "Is he going to be OK?" I asked.

"He'll be fine!" Said the dinosaur-bone-octopus-spirit, "He'll be reincarnated again; he'll be fine!"
The once dead octopus was reborn from his mother's womb and looked as he did at the start of his introduction. "I'm OK!" he said, in a shrill voice. No soon after that, the party was over, for I had to reside in the physical realm once again.

If I Were in Charge of the World

If I were in charge of the world
I'd cancel Laisse Faire Corporatism
Bigotry, Ignorance
Heart deformities and also pesticides.

If I were in charge of the world
there'd be straw-bale houses
eco-villages and eco-communalism would be common.

If I were in charge of the world
you wouldn't have Snapchat and Selfies.
You wouldn't have consumerism.
You wouldn't have environmental destruction.
Or "Can I just vote myself for president?" would be a thing.
You wouldn't even have to eat red-meat.

If I were in charge of the world a vegan diet would be meat.
All governments will be helpful for once.
and a person who thinks that research and hard-work is fun
and sometimes forget to finish things would still be allowed to be in charge of the world.

Note: This poem is inspired by certain dreams, signs and omens that I have seen in my culture and my life. Only the true few will understand.

"The Light of Thuban"

Black, the color of his scales.

Sharper than flint, cutter of shales,

Muscles with the strength to destroy the demuirge,

Putting the leviathan upon his own verge.

The North Pole calling true,

And only those with the Mark of Cain knew

To go to the crossroads, with a blade by your side

To kill your brother Abel, that night he had died.

Children of exile, that is who we are,

We walk in black robes and we are always so far

Away from humanity and away from the All Maker,

We betray the world, the one true life taker.

Black, the color of his scales.

Shed the blood and hang the nails.

Nowl and cowl wears the seeker,

Blood oath and death knell sounds out from the speaker.

The speaker bathed in the light of nothingness

And dressed in the light of Thuban.